Modernized Romeo and Juliet

Romeo: I’m trespassing I’m trespassing I’m trespassing
Why am I doing this?
Go see Juliet they said.
You’ll be fine they said.
But they never told me that there would be a DOG in their yard.
And a pitbull at that!
[Juliet goes to her open window]
…WORTH IT!
YOLO! I'M COMING FOR YOU MY LOVE!

Juliet: Gah! This house gets NO reception.

Romeo: Her voice is like that of a songbird’s, singing the song of the morning-
Oh my God I just went Shakespeare on myself.
It’s ironic how our names are Romeo and Juliet too…
Heh… her eyes are pretty from this light…
Oh my God I am such a stalker.

Juliet: Romeo. Ro-me-o. The name just rolls off my tongue. ROMEO.
But why does he have to be a Montague?
I mean really.
My parents seriously disapprove of his family.
Why can’t he just like, legally change his name or something?
WOE IS ME.
Why do I have to love the ONE PERSON my parents disapprove of?
I mean COME ON.

Romeo: HEY! SUP JULES?!
I’ll change my name if you want.
Because I’m just that awesome.
I love you too!
You can’t see me but I’m making a heart shape with my hands.

Juliet: WHO IS THAT?!
I-I HAVE A FRYING PAN!
AND UMM… umm…
I don’t even know.
BUT WHO ARE YOU?!

Romeo: You mean you don’t recognize my beautiful voice?
I’ll give you three hints.
Your parents hate me
I live in the ghetto
But we met earlier today at the costume party when you swore your undying love to me when you had one too many diet cokes. But apparently those feelings were real or something since you say you love me still soooo yeah.
You feel me?

Juliet: ROMEO?!
WHAT THE FRACK MAN?!
MY DAD IS GONNA CALL THE COPS!

Romeo: If that’s the case, then no. I am not Romeo lolz whatchu talkin' 'bout?

Juliet: How did you even get in the yard?! The fence is too high, and then there’s Angus-

Romeo: So that’s what the crazy monster’s name is? Angus? Like the cow?

Juliet: Yes, Romeo. My dog’s name is Angus. We even dressed him like a cow for Halloween one year- You know what? I don’t care.
But if my dad sees you, he’s gonna call the cops and you’ll be arrested or fined for trespassing! You’re lucky my dad got his gun license taken away, or else he’d shoot first and ask questions later!

Romeo: Oh well. I just wanted to see your face again.